My Ten Favourite Things to do in the Rain

1. Getting wet! Especially with Priyam and Pragya, all the way from Gamdevi till Marine Drive
2. Walking along Marine Drive in the slight drizzle that sometimes blesses South Mumbai
3. Sitting on the ledge at Marine Drive welcoming the rain clouds
4.  Eating piping hot onion pakodas
5. Gorging on scrumptious pizzas at Pizzeria, with a fantastic view of the raging ocean
6. Sitting in my room watching the rain fall, through the window
7. Sipping piping hot chocolate while reading an all engrossing book
8. Walking hand in hand with Ishaaq, while talking about everything under the clouds, and rain!
9. Having ice cream
10. Falling asleep with the gentle pitter patter of the drops

the last wisp of hope...

Long hair flowing down her back,

Dark as the night, soft as silk

The strange sheen in her eyes

Seems to reflect the starlit sky

Her head is bowed in resignation,

Her henna patterned hands are open,

Sending the very last wisp of hope

To mingle with the sweet air

The dreams fade away

Like the henna in her hands

The gold band on her finger

A harbinger of the future

But, she waits, as always

With abated breath

To see what the Lord has to offer

Yet another agnipariksha? 

Love hurts...like a bitch!

‘Loving my parents hurts because I can't be what they would have me be’.

I read this one liner by one of my favourite bloggers and it struck right home. I don’t think anyone but a rebel would understand this kind of pain. There are times I have bowed to down to my family’s wishes, but never have I come out successful. Oh! It has nothing to do with their decision or wish, but with me. I have never been completely happy till I have felt that what I am doing is right for me. That’s the strong headed, stubborn, mulish person I am.

One of the biggest decisions in my life has hurt my mother, to an extent that I can never forgive myself for. As I see her suffering, as she has through the past two years, especially the past few months, all I feel is profound sadness, guilt at the impact that this decision has had on her. The kind when the loss of someone or something envelopes you like a fog that simply gives you blinders.

Yes, I am marrying a Muslim. He’s a Dawoodi Bohra, the community known for its forward thinking, yet conservative in its own way. And the thought, the very idea, of me becoming part of this community, this religion, from one where I have never had to bind to the rules of my religion or community, where I have been my own free bird, scares the shit out of everyone. But, on my good days, I must confess, I feel, freedom is a state of mind, no? Love, too, is a state of mind. A common saying is when love flies out the window, reality comes in. But what if that love is strong, stronger than anything else? What if it is that love that has borne the understanding, the respect, the emotions that two people share? Why would it fly out of the window, unless we let it loose?

I have hurt my mother more than I can ever imagine to have hurt her. But I have faith – faith that it will all be fine. Through every step, every obstacle, every single barrier that has been put in our way, although I have cried, pulled my hair out, screamed, begged, grieved, gone temporarily insane, that faith, that strength to bear this all has remained. We have both endured everything we can of each other, we have been rude, we have fought, we have blamed and hardly left each other with options. He too shares what I feel, the pain, the emotions, the hurt, the guilt of hurting his family.

Yet, somewhere through all this crazy thick fog, we are merely two people walking towards each other, blind, yet aware that we are all we want, stretching out our arms, yearning for that one touch, that one magnetic field that constantly brings us closer and closer, till we meet as one soul, one being, one entity.

And, that is when the compromises (each of us has made and will make) fall off, that is when the sacrifices seem but like miniscule decisions, and the bigger picture, the wholeness of our love, our unity and our strength rises like the phoenix from the ashes, again and again!

To touch or not to touch – there is no question!

‘Tis a curios thing, this space problem – rather the lack of it – that women in India have. I say ‘women’ and ‘in India’ because, the it is the former who I do NOT expect to stick to me like glue, and I didn’t spend my childhood in the latter. It’s an interesting phenomenon that I experience everytime I travel by train and bus. 

You sit on the ladies’ seat or in the ladies’ compartment and the lady next to you doesn’t have any qualms about touching you, albeit accidentally, or rubbing her sweaty arm against your side or even nudging you while she takes her money out of the bag. And even then, once all these excuses are exhausted, it is most imperative for her to ensure that your thighs are touching or your feet are together. Its almost like you are joined at the hip!

I, of course, being me, move away as she comes closer. And believe you me, the wall of the train/bus is NOT sterile. So its between “Madame Sticky” and the “dirty place.”

And I have heard very few women complaining about this. I figure that this may just be something people in India are used to, or simply choose to ignore, or may be they are the perpetrators themselves! The only ones who have complained really are my mom and my friend who grew up with me in Salalah and another friend, who has spent her entire life in India, but is the touch-phobic person that I am.

Hence, it is a curious thing that Indian women have. The lack of space that they need and the lack of space that they give!  

death...

A close friend passed away today...well he wasnt that close to me, but he was I's very close friend. We would go out for dinners, and movies and lunches and have so much fun all in all. He was just 26...merely a young man who had his whole life ahead of him. He recently had a baby boy and was loved by all his friends and family.
At times, one wonders what life is all about...such incidents make me wonder why we worry about the slightest things in life. That we dont have a job, that things arent going the way we want them to...Not once, in our blind greed, do we realise that death is above all. And when man proposes, God disposes.
Today, this friend has left behind a young wife and baby and an army of friends and family who were passionately devioted to him, yet feel helpless and so out of control that something so sudden and so devastating could happen to someone they know and love, and someone who didnt deserve to die so young...
I tribute this post to Rohit...an exemplary friend and husband and im sure would have been an excellent doting father... RIP

gone....

Gone are the days when dreams were just a passing breeze
when the only trouble was avoiding branches as we flew our independent ways
beating wings, beating hearts, building castles building kingdoms.

surrender....

Whirling emotions, a vortex of desire,
intertwining of passion
the need to surrender
the need to take over
as the blazing sun sets and rises again
soft whispers, bold caresses
hearts racing, love surging
giving and taking
pining and breaking
shattering into a thousand pieces
the sense of whole, of complete

Delhi Diaries

Today seemed to be a healthy morning. The past few days I’ve been feeling low and kind of useless since I have not much work here in Delhi. Not that I have much work now either. But that is normal as long as I’m sitting in one place and waiting around to go to the next place.


So anyway, back to the “healthy morning.” Not counting the paratha and aloo bhaji that I was forced to eat at the restaurant on the ground floor of the hotel, I did do 6 sets of surya namaskar and the pleasure I felt while unravelling my body and stiff muscles is incomparable. Well I wouldn’t say completely, but still. I also had an apple when I was hungry since I’m at the hotel all day today.

Well, I’m at Delhi and this is the fourth time I have been here. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to sight see in this fascinating capital of India—mostly because of work, and mostly because my boss isn’t as adventurous as I am, and I’m hardly adventurous, and mostly because I hesitate to move out alone to go as a tourist. But I am waiting for the day when I travel to Delhi, alone of course, and take in the sights and smells as a tourist. I want to go to Chandni chowk, see the Jama Masjid, feel the thrill of seeing the India gate and Rashtrapathi Bhavan. Go to Akshardham, shop at Janpath.

I’m looking forward to someday getting that kind of freedom, till then I guess I’m bound to the healthy mornings and feeling of being useless…

Things I do when Im at work and have nothing to do...

Here is a list of the things I do when Im at work and have nothing to do!

1. Topping my list is chatting. I chat with a few close, select friends.
2. Facebooking. Now, this involves a great deal of concentration. Flipping through statuses, profiles, photos, comments....the list goes on.
3. Playing games. Usually Id play games like crazy taxi or Restaurant City. Off late its been Bejewelled and Peggle.
4. Day Dreaming. This particular activity has passed on from school days. I can stare into space and think about future plans, reminisce about the past.
5. Blogging. I get these spurts of creativity, or boredom, and then begin to write:)
6. Go through the editorial of the magazine and check and re check the status and follow ups. (note that this comes somewhere toward the end)
7. Work on my freelancing jobs. Well, it is my bread and butter.
8. Think of how I can leave work early, so that I can do something constructive, like running after a train or cursing a rickshaw guy.
9. Make a mental list of things to do and which I never have the time to do.
10. Sleep. Never knew the joy of falling asleep on your laptop, oblivious to the rest of the world!!

Food, Food, Glorious Food.

I am a self-confessed foodie. I love everything to do with food, from buying/seeing/choosing fresh groceries in the early morning; to the chopping, blending, mashing, kneading; to the baking, cooking, sauteing, frying; to the smelling and finally, the eating!

Now you may think that the reason I'm pleasantly plump (thats what I like to think of myself as!) is because of all this food. But, fortunately, that is not the case.

You see, I have never had the craving for cheese! Chocolates, yes, but not cheese. Wherever possible, I like to substitute the fatty stuff with healthier options. So its maida with atta, butter with ghee, cheese with NO cheese.

I recently bought an OTG (oven toaster grill), which brings me back to my first love. The 'ding' of the oven once my cake is baked is music to my ears.

So, getting to the point, I have already baked garlic bread, readymix brownies, and paneer tikka in this super-duper oven of mine. I was sooo excited yesterday when I bought all my baking supplies that I couldnt help but announce it to the world. Have even posted a few pics on Facebook!!!!!!!

Just waiting to make the apple crumb cake now. and then apple pie, and pizza, and baked potatoes, and double fudge brownies, and ......the list goes on!!