the joys and sorrows of living alone...Part 1

So, what is the first thing that you say when you hear that two girls live alone in a flat in Mumbai, the city that never sleeps?


Few of the common things I’ve heard are,

“Wow! Your so lucky, no parental supervision.”

“No deadlines at home!! “

“No mom breathing down your neck.”

“So cool! You can eat whatever you want.”

“If I was you id order out every day!! “

“The number of sleepovers you can have!!! Too cool! “



Well, in the beginning, I won’t deny that my roomie, Pragya, and I had a few similar thoughts. In fact, the first two months were a whirlwind of eating out and going for movies. Till we realised that we had burned major holes in our pockets. At that time, although I was earning, it was barely enough to meet rent, and Pragya could definitely not ask her parents for more money considering they had just sent her some a few days ago!!!

Slowly, the excitement faded. Reality bit!

We desperately needed a servant to do the basic cleaning. And there ensued the servant hunt. Today, we have the same bai working for us, who does a shoddy job, but we’re merely grateful that she does it at all.

Now, no matter how much you eat out, one day you are going to wake up and say, “I want home food”!! Thankfully, I love cooking and Pragya also learnt the basics. But what to cook? Every day was a feat. That was when we realised what we would put our mothers thru when we would say “phir se wahi khana?? (the same food, yet again??).”

Sure, we had a zillion friends coming over and as they came and went it was fun. But then, after a point you need your space, no??

Two years of college (plus working for me) passed, and today we both handle full time jobs. Where is the time to watch a movie, when we barely see each other in the week? Eating out has become more of a necessity than a novelty. The bai comes in the morning, still does her shoddy work and leaves. The gas is almost over, and I ran around to get the work done coz they (if you please!) blocked our account since we hadn’t ordered for a new cylinder since 8 months!! Now, is that our fault if the same cylinder is still working, though we are in constant fear that it will give out in between our dal making?? (P.S. still no new gas)

When we come home, most of us are used to being served a warm meal, our clothes are washed and folded, the dishes are done, the beds are made. But coming home from work is another ordeal.

So thankfully, we divide the work between us. If I wash the dishes, she does the clothes; if I make the sabzi, she does the chapatti. But, it doesn’t end here!! We have to fill the water filter, sell the news paper raddi, buy the groceries, veggies; the list can go on and on.

My point here is that, cherish the parental supervision while you have it, cherish the small odd chores you’re made to do in the day. Because when you gotta do it urself, then living alone doesn’t seem so much fun any more.



(P.S. Do watch out for my next post on the advantages of staying alone :D)

my dreams are bursting at the seams...

I'm a simple girl.

I've lived my life in a protected environment. I would'nt say pampered, but protected, nevertheless. As a child I never thought of the future. What would I be when I'm twenty five. What kind of guy would I want to marry. Would things like community, caste, religion, really matter? As I grew up and adolescence set in, things began to change, but I was never sure. I had talents, oh I did. But I never bothered to hone them really. I was often called unambitious, never felt that I was really very intelligent. None of the moves I made in life were directed/guided by me, and life went on. I made choices, often not very wise ones, mostly because I was hesitant. Hesitant to go against what everyone else said and to do what I wanted. But then I  was never really sure of what I even wanted.

Today, Im 25 years old. Still struggling to establish my career. And as I see life pass me by, I realise those dormant ambitions within me are waking up. I have simple demands; Id like to think that Im not that complicated.

I want security. Which is something, i believe, everyone wants. But as I see my self struggling everyday, for the past three years (though Im sure other people are going thru worse) I see that I want more. Prolly more than people want to or can give me, and then I look within myself to bring out that security; like they all say, i am alone in this world, i came alone, ill die alone.

I have come upon a very impoirtant decision in my life. Something major in everyone's lives and somehow, now, given my compromises, struggling, sacrifices and tears, i just want to make it perfect.

My dreams are bursting at the seams. But is it all too much to ask for? Isnt security a simple enough demand? 

I AM A TCK

You must be wondering what TCK stands for. Well read on and you'll know.


Without meaning to brag, i would say im quite different from many people.

• Ive lived 17 years of my life as an NRI.
• Im rather biased toward foreign maal, read: chocolates, soaps, Mountain Dew, chips, Pizza Hut Pizzas, the roads, traffic.
• For me, India is a novelty, and only after 8 yrs of being in Mumbai, can i call it home. I must be one of the few Non-Mumbaiites who can call Mumbai home.
• I rely more on friends, than on relatives.(where were they when we needed them)
• The Aamchi community is something of a novelty for me.
• I have a zillion friends ranging from Indians, to Pakistanis, to Lebanese, to Srilankans.
• I can differentiate between life here and life there in a neutral manner, and though Oman wins almost all the accolades, I would never wanna stay there again. 

TCK is third culture/transculture Kid.
Definition: Someone who, as a child, has spent a significant period of time in one or more culture(s) other than his or her own, thus integrating elements of those cultures, and their own birth culture, into a third culture.

a tribute to home...

What is it about this place we call home? What is it that a mere slur against the very name makes our blood boil… The place where many of us were born and many of us spent more than half our lives….what is it that a mere song or a tale brings back rushing moments of the joys and sorrows we felt?

Our escapades, our near scrapes with the authorities…the overnights, the walks along the airport road…the memories of meeting in Lulu centre…Annual day and Khareef festival—the highlights of the year…the numerous picnics, the field trips….the Jabals, the camels…bus rides…sports day… the choir!!

Yet, we yearned for our freedom, from the oppressive environment, and yet the heart craves to go back to the place where we once “were.”

A photograph, a place, a person brings back so many memories that tears well up and we ache to return home, return to the place where we first learnt to walk, where we made our first friends, where we made our best friends, where we discovered our talents, a place where we lost the people dearest to us, where we found the people dearest to us….

The bonds we created there were the strongest ever…people who dint matter then have become so much more important to us today…a random person from school adds us on FB and we immediately accept, an attempt to move closer to where our heart is…

Salalah, the heart of Oman, the oasis in the desert, our home… has become our haven, a place to heal, to recuperate, to bask in the memories of our childhood, to go back to the time when life was innocent and childlike, when we dreamt of bigger things, bigger places….we’ve reached where we wanted to…but our heart is still stuck where it was…

Some may call it a fool’s paradise, which practically speaking, it may be, but I’d (and many of us) rather be a fool than let go of my home…

Catharsis...Part 2

I'm so bored... m home alone...and normally I'm most comfortable being with myself .... but i guess the only thing i can blame this restlessness on is the fact that I'm no more used to being alone for so long, and its getting to me.. to top it all, all my friends are busy and m not keeping too well... so now I've become bitchy and cranky and taking it out on people who cant help it... Im not liking my self right now :(

there is so much i can do but Im either too tired or too lazy... feeling sick being home all day... not used to it.. its high time i went out... not now obviously given that its 1230 am. this has to be one of the most boring Sundays of my life for sure.....

feelings....

I’m struggling with my feelings,

I don’t know what it is… a desperate melancholy, emptiness, maybe hope??

There’s the rock and the hard place, and then there’s me, stuck in between

And no matter how much I try, I’m probably going to die of claustrophobia…

So many feelings, so many thoughts, so many memories surround me,

The ink on the paper spreads, creating a pattern of swirling emotions,

I wanna laugh, I wanna cry, I wanna feel like never before,

I wanna dance, swirl in his arms, where there is just me and him…

There is so much I want, yet so much that comes with it that I don’t…

What is higher? My identity, my pride, the perceptions I have created through these years?? Or is all that matters just me and him??

But then, just me and him, is not all that matters to him…is it??

Is this even about us?? Is this just a fantasy of being in love, sharing intimate moments?

Or is it true love?? The thing that people live their entire lives to search for…

That movies and novels describe,

But these past 4 years have taught me so much more…

i can love, i have found love, and i believe in it... but is it enough??

Where does it all end? Where do I come to a standstill and choose?

A choice that will affect us all, whether it’s for the good or the bad…

But the emotions remain, my feelings still swirling in the pit of my stomach,

And I can’t think, I can only feel…

Maybe ill wish on a shooting star or ill kneel down and bend my head in penance at the altar

Or ill talk to God one on one

Till then, I can only feel…

Roles...

Few of the most enlightening moments occur in the loo. Believe it or not!!
—Shanti

Okay nothing very enlightening, but I was just wondering, as I was answering nature’s call, about the many roles that I have been playing and still play…and the many roles I have begun to play since the past few years. In simple English, let me define who I am according to my roles in society. (and now I start sounding like a sociology text book)

A woman—free, independent, liberal…a daughter—responsible, loving, helpless, concerned…a sister—concerned, hopeful…a friend—giving, listening, helping, enjoying…a teacher—teaching (obviously), learning, scolding, being patient…a student—learning, always running late, passionate about psychology…a lover (or rather used to be)—giving, taking, sharing, caring, loving, hoping…a listener—just listening, empathizing, talking, communicating…an editor—hacking people’s hard work and supplementing them with my own, enhancing, correcting, beautifying…a colleague—shy, quiet, friendly…an employee—always running late, conscientious…a teenager—rebelling, rebelling…against society, mom, life!...a child—wishing for the return of innocence, carefree life, someone else handling the responsibilities…and above all me—an absolute romantic, foodie, bull-headed at times, dreamy yet practical, emotional fool….

I...

I’m walking along the shore, the wet sand under my feet…

The sunset reflecting the calm waters and the wind sweeping through my hair...

Somewhere I can hear a seagull cry, and I sit down on the sand.

The white sand trickles between my fingers each shiny granule spectacular in its own way,

and I let the calm wash over me..

Life has come full circle and I’m still at the beginning…

Undecided, scared and very skeptical of the future,

Yet somewhere I am confident that things can’t be worse than they already are,

And my faith in choices making my destiny is reinforced…

The sun is setting and the smell of brine in the air is delicious,

I decide to walk back, casting shadows on the sand,

leaving the footprints of my past behind...

Alone, free…

Career

Okay, so here’s the deal!

I have a zillion dreams…

1) I want to become a clinical psychologist. Work with people, listen to them, and help solve their problems. I want to assess them, interpret their personalities.
2) I want to open a small deli cum confectionary of my own, complete with baked brick walls, and splendid aromas wafting from the kitchen. Concoct amazing delicacies, experiment a bit, and introduce various foods from exotic lands. It’ll be this cozy little place, more like a home, where ill keep those soft couches that one sees in “Crossword” and small, round glass tables. The dim yellow light will add to the cozy aura and the warmth from the oven in the kitchen will give one the feeling of being in their mom’s kitchen.
3) I want to get into editing (something m doing as a part time job) because, I have this really irritating habit of correcting my friends’ English every time they say it wrong.

So wherein lies the problem??? Hmmm the first option doesn’t have much money in it. The second option needs a lot of investment. The third option is the only place where I can get the money to probably fulfill my second dream. But then, I don’t want it as much as I do the first and second options. Also, I’m afraid that ill just get sucked into the comfort of having a stable job (god willing) and may become too lethargic to actually pursue my first two dreamsL
So does it seem like I’ve gone back to square one?? I think so L

Okay I had commented on one of my friends blogs, and this is what i had written, i cant imagine what was going on in my mind at that moment, but well...

Your day passes by in a flurry of activity, when you’re so involved that
your mind doesn’t get a chance to wander. Then the time comes when you’re with
yourself...the nights...the dreams...the insomnia. You introspect, “did I go
wrong somewhere?”, “what happened?” and we emotional fools may also wonder “why
me?!” A zillion nights pass like this, the introspection...the dreamless sleep
or the sleepless dreams. Somewhere the remnants of hope, of dreams dreamt
together, of dreams dreamt alone, come back to haunt you, but they are better
left untouched, coz the skeletons in your closets may not go back, and to face
reality would be life's biggest challenge!!

I’m at work, as bored as my tuition kids are when I lecture them on completing their work on time :). Aaah...the feeling of watching children switch off the moment they know that u are going to lecture them; I’m in training for motherhood it seems.

So let me introduce myself. I’m 23 years old and a graduate in psychology. I’m currently pursuing my masters in psychology and working at the same time. I work as an academic editor, and though it’s a wonderful job that I enjoy very much, it is very very mind effing. Along with this seemingly crazy schedule, I tutor two 12-yr-olds who are each cute in their own way and can also get on my nerves pretty soon. God has also gifted me with a voice, which I am currently in the process of honing by attending Hindustani classical vocal classes at the institute near my house. Interestingly, despite my hectic schedule I don’t seem to be losing any weight, so I have joined a gym. Phew...

My living conditions involve living in a flat with one of my closest friends from my hostel, and we have a gala time—despite her not being there most of the time. But life is still fun and six months have passed so quickly that I haven’t even realized where they have gone. But I feel fulfilled, I feel useful and busy, despite my daily lamenting on how much work I have pending or how tired I am.

Hmmm…so what have I accomplished so far? Independence, responsibilities, patience, traveling fatigue :), tolerance, alertness for any kind of situation, confidence in dealing with emergencies, confidence in dealing with any kind of person, assertiveness (which is slowly, yet steadily winning the race), still no control over my temper and crazy mood swings (scorpion tendencies u see!!), more value for money and an equal amount of guilt over spending it, pride—at supporting myself, monetarily, emotionally. Hmmm…that seems to be about it.