ive been suffering from writers block since a long time and still am, but i just wanted to write something here. there are so many things happening in my life right nw, that i dunno where to start. im so damned sleepy, havent gotten proper sleep since god alone knows how long. it been ages, m just running helter skelter. :)

Love is in the Air

Yesterday I asked one of my closest friends to answer the corniest question in the world—what is love? Well he gave me his answer, his perspective. But from my experiences and observations I have come across a definition—more like an explanation—of love.

I think love is the silence between two people, the look in your lover's eyes, a touch, caring, sacrifice, beauty…a smile, laughter, teasing, fights, a kiss, a hug, a shoulder to cry on, a best friend. It’s a feeling of utmost exhilaration, elation, excitement…happiness to the depths of the deepest, most heart-wrenching sadness, loss, tears, intertwining of fingers. It’s the mutual liking for some things and the opposing dislike for others. It's different ideologies and the amalgamation of common dreams. It’s respect, trust, forgiveness…memories, hope, a whole new world...colorful, sometimes bleak and foggy. It’s giving and taking, and making and creating. It’s comfort, security, goose bumps, tenderness…decisions, faith, and tough choices.

pondering....

Man is a social animal. Ive been hearing this ever since i knew what "social animal" meant. Oh i completely agree that in some ways man is worse than an animal. But that day i was just marvelling at the fact that Man is so adaptive. We may complain , grumble, swear never to change a particular habit or lifestyle, but when we are forced to do it, we adapt!! and so easily!!
That day we were moving house, and inevitably it brought back memories of when we were packing up to leave Salalah. Poignant, nostalgic. And all mom could say was that it was the end of another chapter. A roller coaster ride... thats how i describe last year. But then i was wondering , why cant we look forward and say "a new chapter" Life is a book and each phase is a chapter, but this is a new chapter. Let's look forward and wait in anticipation; not only for what we want but what we dont want as well. Ah me has become philisophical.
Let's change the topic. That day i was chatting with one of my oldest school friends, and it felt so nice Jus seeing how we've grown up in these five years since school and all that and then i realised that suddenly our paths have changes, our goals have chnaged , we have become new people and suddenly the only link we have is our childhood and God! how strong that one link is! You know, its so weird. i have had friends all my life-especially in school- but today i find that i can hardly connect to them. they dont seem to have chnaged as a result of their experiences, but i have. and at some level the maturity level in us just doesnt connect. It's sad in a way but the friendship will remain. I'm sure of that.
hmmm.. you know, nowadays ive been advocating one particular fact of everyone's life- the fact that dont expect anyone to understand you or your circumstances. it's not their fault, its jsut that unless and until they are in a similar situation as you, they wont, but even then its not a guarantee, thts because the nature of their situation maybe different, and more importantly, they may handle it differently. Every person is unique and may not have the same reaaction as you do.
God is indeed a marvellous entity.
hmmmm i dunnno where to end this stupid discourse or how! so till then:)

its been ages...i dont even know how long... the stress has reduced...ofcourse i do get shocks once in a while...but either m dealing with it...or they dont have that much of an impact:) feeling more at peace with myself :)
now m at work and typing this blog so ill continue with it when i gt back to typing blogs.. gtg nw :)

Me...

It’s been a long time, and since I treat my blog as my agony aunt, I decided to pour out my woes hmmm, m tired, overwhelmingly... mentally, physically, tired of struggling every single day… but when life throws curves at you, it does so when u are totally not prepared, and unarmed and helpless, your defenses are down… I’m scared; shit scared of becoming more cynical than I already am, more bitter, and jus extremely sober and serious. It’s been a long journey this past year. Have learnt a lot, started thinking more practically, but there are times when I feel like being pampered, being held and told that m loved and someone always looking out for me…I don wanna give any more, I want to take… it sounds selfish but I’ve jus given and given and given and now I have nothing more to give… some times i think tht one of the reasons i love reading so much , is that i get absorbed in someone else's life, i dont have to be there on the scene, i dont have to think of wht to do next, the decisions are made by someone else who i dont have any associations with... well m in a self pitying mood, so pardon :)

A Day of Rushes

So... what do i say about today? It started at 7 am when i woke up. Obviously, i snoozed every fifteen minutes till it was 7. Anyway, I rushed to the kitchen to prepare the Meal of the Day and rushed then, to have a bath and gulp my breakfast down. Woah! To top it all, it was pouring like there was no tomorrow, so i quickly hailed a cab and went to the station, where i had an option of either waiting 15 min for a fast train or taking a slow train. I opted for the slow(i hate waiting!). By the time I reached, my friends had already left for work, so i took a rickshaw and moved amongst the bumper to bumper traffic at S.V road, which incidentally is always jammed, and finally reached work five minutes before my friends!! Well work was hectic, what with all the academic writing, manuals, word shortcuts and COMMAS. Good Lord, the no. of places where u can actually insert commas is mind boggling. Some three tests, a lunch break, another two tests later, I was almost ready to cry, I was so mentally exhausted...

Then we left work, rushed to the bus stop and got a nice 'mahilasathi' bus to the station, where again I ran to the platform, got into the fast train and went on to Mumbai Central. Now here comes the fun part. From platform one, I had to rush to platform three in a matter of 2 minutes to catch a slow train to Grant road. And how i did it in time, only God knows. I got into the, stinky men's compartment, which thankfully was almost clear of them ;) , and finally got off at grant road and peacefully made it to my singing class...only fifteen minutes late :)

as promised, today was the most hectic, yet fulfilling day of my life....no time to brood, or sulk or get irritated. jus needed immense concentation as the day passed. and though it resulted in a massive headache, my singing class gave me enough relaxation that i was able to actually sit here and write this out....well tomm is another day...lets c what happens

unnamed :)...and renamed MAGICAL on special request:)

There have been times when I have been in awe of Mother Nature, hues of color blending into each other and sounds echoing and all of nature construes to illuminate these colors and attenuate the sounds...as the sun breaks through the clouds, it feels like a miracle, the clouds moving over the full moon, a sheath of shimmering material over silver....I’m overwhelmed by the need to share this......
Nature and love really aren’t very different you see, they both leave you feeling overwhelmed, in awe of what you feel. Times when you feel that, indeed a miracle has been blessed upon you. Where your entire being construes to attenuate the sound of your heart beats n illuminate the look in your eyes...the moments you feel are perfect, when nothing can go wrong, when a glance can be an entire conversation and silence takes on a new meaning.....

suffering from writers block...nothing comes to the mind as i sit and ponder over the days work(nothing has been done as such) the weeks work has been productive and the coming week promises to be hectic...:)

Clouds

Today I was watching the clouds…the blue sky speckled with snatches of clouds, colored golden by the setting sun…suddenly a huge black cloud passed by, slowly and gradually covering them...for a moment or two I was able to see the golden specks here and there and then the cloud laden with drops, covered the sky completely…and soon huge drops fell on the parched earth below…After a while it stopped and the cloud passed on, to shower its drops somewhere else….
Somewhere I feel that life is like those golden specks, beautiful yet vulnerable to those phases which are the clouds, and may cease to be beautiful when the drops fall and change everything, but the cloud passes on n so does the phase…there are times when life gets swayed by the circumstances -which incidentally is the wind- and moves along with the phase, at the same time struggling to maintain status quo. Sometimes that doesn’t happen though and one changes as ones circumstances change.
I feel that this is the purpose of life, where we need to be the lotus among mucky water or the speckled clouds amongst the black one, striving to be what we are innately and under no circumstances letting go of our essence, and these phases may not be necessarily bad, but we may just become a better person as a result!
I’d like to think that I’ve become a better person, but somewhere it dawns on me that I still have a long way to go………..