death...

A close friend passed away today...well he wasnt that close to me, but he was I's very close friend. We would go out for dinners, and movies and lunches and have so much fun all in all. He was just 26...merely a young man who had his whole life ahead of him. He recently had a baby boy and was loved by all his friends and family.
At times, one wonders what life is all about...such incidents make me wonder why we worry about the slightest things in life. That we dont have a job, that things arent going the way we want them to...Not once, in our blind greed, do we realise that death is above all. And when man proposes, God disposes.
Today, this friend has left behind a young wife and baby and an army of friends and family who were passionately devioted to him, yet feel helpless and so out of control that something so sudden and so devastating could happen to someone they know and love, and someone who didnt deserve to die so young...
I tribute this post to Rohit...an exemplary friend and husband and im sure would have been an excellent doting father... RIP

gone....

Gone are the days when dreams were just a passing breeze
when the only trouble was avoiding branches as we flew our independent ways
beating wings, beating hearts, building castles building kingdoms.

surrender....

Whirling emotions, a vortex of desire,
intertwining of passion
the need to surrender
the need to take over
as the blazing sun sets and rises again
soft whispers, bold caresses
hearts racing, love surging
giving and taking
pining and breaking
shattering into a thousand pieces
the sense of whole, of complete

Delhi Diaries

Today seemed to be a healthy morning. The past few days I’ve been feeling low and kind of useless since I have not much work here in Delhi. Not that I have much work now either. But that is normal as long as I’m sitting in one place and waiting around to go to the next place.


So anyway, back to the “healthy morning.” Not counting the paratha and aloo bhaji that I was forced to eat at the restaurant on the ground floor of the hotel, I did do 6 sets of surya namaskar and the pleasure I felt while unravelling my body and stiff muscles is incomparable. Well I wouldn’t say completely, but still. I also had an apple when I was hungry since I’m at the hotel all day today.

Well, I’m at Delhi and this is the fourth time I have been here. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to sight see in this fascinating capital of India—mostly because of work, and mostly because my boss isn’t as adventurous as I am, and I’m hardly adventurous, and mostly because I hesitate to move out alone to go as a tourist. But I am waiting for the day when I travel to Delhi, alone of course, and take in the sights and smells as a tourist. I want to go to Chandni chowk, see the Jama Masjid, feel the thrill of seeing the India gate and Rashtrapathi Bhavan. Go to Akshardham, shop at Janpath.

I’m looking forward to someday getting that kind of freedom, till then I guess I’m bound to the healthy mornings and feeling of being useless…

Things I do when Im at work and have nothing to do...

Here is a list of the things I do when Im at work and have nothing to do!

1. Topping my list is chatting. I chat with a few close, select friends.
2. Facebooking. Now, this involves a great deal of concentration. Flipping through statuses, profiles, photos, comments....the list goes on.
3. Playing games. Usually Id play games like crazy taxi or Restaurant City. Off late its been Bejewelled and Peggle.
4. Day Dreaming. This particular activity has passed on from school days. I can stare into space and think about future plans, reminisce about the past.
5. Blogging. I get these spurts of creativity, or boredom, and then begin to write:)
6. Go through the editorial of the magazine and check and re check the status and follow ups. (note that this comes somewhere toward the end)
7. Work on my freelancing jobs. Well, it is my bread and butter.
8. Think of how I can leave work early, so that I can do something constructive, like running after a train or cursing a rickshaw guy.
9. Make a mental list of things to do and which I never have the time to do.
10. Sleep. Never knew the joy of falling asleep on your laptop, oblivious to the rest of the world!!

Food, Food, Glorious Food.

I am a self-confessed foodie. I love everything to do with food, from buying/seeing/choosing fresh groceries in the early morning; to the chopping, blending, mashing, kneading; to the baking, cooking, sauteing, frying; to the smelling and finally, the eating!

Now you may think that the reason I'm pleasantly plump (thats what I like to think of myself as!) is because of all this food. But, fortunately, that is not the case.

You see, I have never had the craving for cheese! Chocolates, yes, but not cheese. Wherever possible, I like to substitute the fatty stuff with healthier options. So its maida with atta, butter with ghee, cheese with NO cheese.

I recently bought an OTG (oven toaster grill), which brings me back to my first love. The 'ding' of the oven once my cake is baked is music to my ears.

So, getting to the point, I have already baked garlic bread, readymix brownies, and paneer tikka in this super-duper oven of mine. I was sooo excited yesterday when I bought all my baking supplies that I couldnt help but announce it to the world. Have even posted a few pics on Facebook!!!!!!!

Just waiting to make the apple crumb cake now. and then apple pie, and pizza, and baked potatoes, and double fudge brownies, and ......the list goes on!!

questions...

times when i wonder whether all this struggling, fighting, hoping, dreaming is worth it. What if what is meant to be is just doom? im in this self pitying mode where i can see only wat is negative in my life. i hate it, but i guess im entitled to it once in awhile. im tired of all this, all the unsurety, insecurity, instability, the wondering whether my choices are right, my actions are correct, my path is relatively unstrewn with thorns.
Am i being stubbron? stubborn tht i want what i want, what i have dreamt. but am i then not a fool to give so much and not expect any thing in return? so now im counting my sacrifices, my compromises so am i not an opportunist, throw it in their faces when im most frustrated, most tired?
dunno....i just knw tht as i go down the path i choose, i will have to draw on all my strength and make things work. I just wish it wasnt a one-man show!

the joys and sorrows of living alone...Part 1

So, what is the first thing that you say when you hear that two girls live alone in a flat in Mumbai, the city that never sleeps?


Few of the common things I’ve heard are,

“Wow! Your so lucky, no parental supervision.”

“No deadlines at home!! “

“No mom breathing down your neck.”

“So cool! You can eat whatever you want.”

“If I was you id order out every day!! “

“The number of sleepovers you can have!!! Too cool! “



Well, in the beginning, I won’t deny that my roomie, Pragya, and I had a few similar thoughts. In fact, the first two months were a whirlwind of eating out and going for movies. Till we realised that we had burned major holes in our pockets. At that time, although I was earning, it was barely enough to meet rent, and Pragya could definitely not ask her parents for more money considering they had just sent her some a few days ago!!!

Slowly, the excitement faded. Reality bit!

We desperately needed a servant to do the basic cleaning. And there ensued the servant hunt. Today, we have the same bai working for us, who does a shoddy job, but we’re merely grateful that she does it at all.

Now, no matter how much you eat out, one day you are going to wake up and say, “I want home food”!! Thankfully, I love cooking and Pragya also learnt the basics. But what to cook? Every day was a feat. That was when we realised what we would put our mothers thru when we would say “phir se wahi khana?? (the same food, yet again??).”

Sure, we had a zillion friends coming over and as they came and went it was fun. But then, after a point you need your space, no??

Two years of college (plus working for me) passed, and today we both handle full time jobs. Where is the time to watch a movie, when we barely see each other in the week? Eating out has become more of a necessity than a novelty. The bai comes in the morning, still does her shoddy work and leaves. The gas is almost over, and I ran around to get the work done coz they (if you please!) blocked our account since we hadn’t ordered for a new cylinder since 8 months!! Now, is that our fault if the same cylinder is still working, though we are in constant fear that it will give out in between our dal making?? (P.S. still no new gas)

When we come home, most of us are used to being served a warm meal, our clothes are washed and folded, the dishes are done, the beds are made. But coming home from work is another ordeal.

So thankfully, we divide the work between us. If I wash the dishes, she does the clothes; if I make the sabzi, she does the chapatti. But, it doesn’t end here!! We have to fill the water filter, sell the news paper raddi, buy the groceries, veggies; the list can go on and on.

My point here is that, cherish the parental supervision while you have it, cherish the small odd chores you’re made to do in the day. Because when you gotta do it urself, then living alone doesn’t seem so much fun any more.



(P.S. Do watch out for my next post on the advantages of staying alone :D)

my dreams are bursting at the seams...

I'm a simple girl.

I've lived my life in a protected environment. I would'nt say pampered, but protected, nevertheless. As a child I never thought of the future. What would I be when I'm twenty five. What kind of guy would I want to marry. Would things like community, caste, religion, really matter? As I grew up and adolescence set in, things began to change, but I was never sure. I had talents, oh I did. But I never bothered to hone them really. I was often called unambitious, never felt that I was really very intelligent. None of the moves I made in life were directed/guided by me, and life went on. I made choices, often not very wise ones, mostly because I was hesitant. Hesitant to go against what everyone else said and to do what I wanted. But then I  was never really sure of what I even wanted.

Today, Im 25 years old. Still struggling to establish my career. And as I see life pass me by, I realise those dormant ambitions within me are waking up. I have simple demands; Id like to think that Im not that complicated.

I want security. Which is something, i believe, everyone wants. But as I see my self struggling everyday, for the past three years (though Im sure other people are going thru worse) I see that I want more. Prolly more than people want to or can give me, and then I look within myself to bring out that security; like they all say, i am alone in this world, i came alone, ill die alone.

I have come upon a very impoirtant decision in my life. Something major in everyone's lives and somehow, now, given my compromises, struggling, sacrifices and tears, i just want to make it perfect.

My dreams are bursting at the seams. But is it all too much to ask for? Isnt security a simple enough demand? 

I AM A TCK

You must be wondering what TCK stands for. Well read on and you'll know.


Without meaning to brag, i would say im quite different from many people.

• Ive lived 17 years of my life as an NRI.
• Im rather biased toward foreign maal, read: chocolates, soaps, Mountain Dew, chips, Pizza Hut Pizzas, the roads, traffic.
• For me, India is a novelty, and only after 8 yrs of being in Mumbai, can i call it home. I must be one of the few Non-Mumbaiites who can call Mumbai home.
• I rely more on friends, than on relatives.(where were they when we needed them)
• The Aamchi community is something of a novelty for me.
• I have a zillion friends ranging from Indians, to Pakistanis, to Lebanese, to Srilankans.
• I can differentiate between life here and life there in a neutral manner, and though Oman wins almost all the accolades, I would never wanna stay there again. 

TCK is third culture/transculture Kid.
Definition: Someone who, as a child, has spent a significant period of time in one or more culture(s) other than his or her own, thus integrating elements of those cultures, and their own birth culture, into a third culture.