Flashbacks...

Flashback: We were just the three of us—a motley trio brought together by circumstances more than by common attributes. There were days when I had to defend one from the other, yet I was enjoying the friendship of both. We were inseparable, throughout those two years—the three of us. Walks on the lawn, secrets, long telephone conversations, pajama parties, cookery trials, through crushes and relationships, and parents and teachers, we just barged through and reached a point where our childish untouched minds believed in forever—eternity.

Present: We exist in different countries, all studying and not only kept apart by geographical boundaries, but also by the boundaries of age, maturity, changed attitudes and different priorities. We are no more in touch as “the three of us”; no more the inseparables we used to be. But I don’t mourn, because I know that the bond remains, somehow, so strong that it will keep bringing us back together. I can’t forgive always but I can definitely forget, and forget, I will…someday! We have all gone thru hell and each of us is aware of the other’s silent suffering, yet we can only stand with our mouths agape and our hands loose by our side, silently willing and hoping that the other takes the right step. Aware that we are all mature individuals and no more the motley trio we were—the ugly ducklings became swans, and how!

I remember...

I remember his last words to me; they were uttered in a state of complete disorientation. It was something to do with my hair or some light—I can’t remember precisely. I wanted to ask him to stay, to always be there, wanted to tell him that I love him—despite the painful fights, angry tears, slamming doors and volley of arguments.
I remember the pride in his voice when I would sing—the only time I gave him that chance. I can still recall the first time I’d hugged him and the last time I didn’t. The last time I touched his feet, they were cold. I wish he were here to see me today; somewhere the “me” today is a result of his legacy.
I remember hating him with the same intensity with which I loved him. Even his last conscious words to me were to get out of the room. Yet his excitement at receiving me at the airport, his fierce protection, his generosity, and his stupid jokes are all I can remember.
It’s taken me more than a year to get this out. Yet, “Annu, I miss u more than you’ll ever know. I love you. I wish u were here to see me today. But, I’m sure you’re somewhere above looking down with pride—and smiling.”

ive been suffering from writers block since a long time and still am, but i just wanted to write something here. there are so many things happening in my life right nw, that i dunno where to start. im so damned sleepy, havent gotten proper sleep since god alone knows how long. it been ages, m just running helter skelter. :)

Love is in the Air

Yesterday I asked one of my closest friends to answer the corniest question in the world—what is love? Well he gave me his answer, his perspective. But from my experiences and observations I have come across a definition—more like an explanation—of love.

I think love is the silence between two people, the look in your lover's eyes, a touch, caring, sacrifice, beauty…a smile, laughter, teasing, fights, a kiss, a hug, a shoulder to cry on, a best friend. It’s a feeling of utmost exhilaration, elation, excitement…happiness to the depths of the deepest, most heart-wrenching sadness, loss, tears, intertwining of fingers. It’s the mutual liking for some things and the opposing dislike for others. It's different ideologies and the amalgamation of common dreams. It’s respect, trust, forgiveness…memories, hope, a whole new world...colorful, sometimes bleak and foggy. It’s giving and taking, and making and creating. It’s comfort, security, goose bumps, tenderness…decisions, faith, and tough choices.

pondering....

Man is a social animal. Ive been hearing this ever since i knew what "social animal" meant. Oh i completely agree that in some ways man is worse than an animal. But that day i was just marvelling at the fact that Man is so adaptive. We may complain , grumble, swear never to change a particular habit or lifestyle, but when we are forced to do it, we adapt!! and so easily!!
That day we were moving house, and inevitably it brought back memories of when we were packing up to leave Salalah. Poignant, nostalgic. And all mom could say was that it was the end of another chapter. A roller coaster ride... thats how i describe last year. But then i was wondering , why cant we look forward and say "a new chapter" Life is a book and each phase is a chapter, but this is a new chapter. Let's look forward and wait in anticipation; not only for what we want but what we dont want as well. Ah me has become philisophical.
Let's change the topic. That day i was chatting with one of my oldest school friends, and it felt so nice Jus seeing how we've grown up in these five years since school and all that and then i realised that suddenly our paths have changes, our goals have chnaged , we have become new people and suddenly the only link we have is our childhood and God! how strong that one link is! You know, its so weird. i have had friends all my life-especially in school- but today i find that i can hardly connect to them. they dont seem to have chnaged as a result of their experiences, but i have. and at some level the maturity level in us just doesnt connect. It's sad in a way but the friendship will remain. I'm sure of that.
hmmm.. you know, nowadays ive been advocating one particular fact of everyone's life- the fact that dont expect anyone to understand you or your circumstances. it's not their fault, its jsut that unless and until they are in a similar situation as you, they wont, but even then its not a guarantee, thts because the nature of their situation maybe different, and more importantly, they may handle it differently. Every person is unique and may not have the same reaaction as you do.
God is indeed a marvellous entity.
hmmmm i dunnno where to end this stupid discourse or how! so till then:)

its been ages...i dont even know how long... the stress has reduced...ofcourse i do get shocks once in a while...but either m dealing with it...or they dont have that much of an impact:) feeling more at peace with myself :)
now m at work and typing this blog so ill continue with it when i gt back to typing blogs.. gtg nw :)

Me...

It’s been a long time, and since I treat my blog as my agony aunt, I decided to pour out my woes hmmm, m tired, overwhelmingly... mentally, physically, tired of struggling every single day… but when life throws curves at you, it does so when u are totally not prepared, and unarmed and helpless, your defenses are down… I’m scared; shit scared of becoming more cynical than I already am, more bitter, and jus extremely sober and serious. It’s been a long journey this past year. Have learnt a lot, started thinking more practically, but there are times when I feel like being pampered, being held and told that m loved and someone always looking out for me…I don wanna give any more, I want to take… it sounds selfish but I’ve jus given and given and given and now I have nothing more to give… some times i think tht one of the reasons i love reading so much , is that i get absorbed in someone else's life, i dont have to be there on the scene, i dont have to think of wht to do next, the decisions are made by someone else who i dont have any associations with... well m in a self pitying mood, so pardon :)

A Day of Rushes

So... what do i say about today? It started at 7 am when i woke up. Obviously, i snoozed every fifteen minutes till it was 7. Anyway, I rushed to the kitchen to prepare the Meal of the Day and rushed then, to have a bath and gulp my breakfast down. Woah! To top it all, it was pouring like there was no tomorrow, so i quickly hailed a cab and went to the station, where i had an option of either waiting 15 min for a fast train or taking a slow train. I opted for the slow(i hate waiting!). By the time I reached, my friends had already left for work, so i took a rickshaw and moved amongst the bumper to bumper traffic at S.V road, which incidentally is always jammed, and finally reached work five minutes before my friends!! Well work was hectic, what with all the academic writing, manuals, word shortcuts and COMMAS. Good Lord, the no. of places where u can actually insert commas is mind boggling. Some three tests, a lunch break, another two tests later, I was almost ready to cry, I was so mentally exhausted...

Then we left work, rushed to the bus stop and got a nice 'mahilasathi' bus to the station, where again I ran to the platform, got into the fast train and went on to Mumbai Central. Now here comes the fun part. From platform one, I had to rush to platform three in a matter of 2 minutes to catch a slow train to Grant road. And how i did it in time, only God knows. I got into the, stinky men's compartment, which thankfully was almost clear of them ;) , and finally got off at grant road and peacefully made it to my singing class...only fifteen minutes late :)

as promised, today was the most hectic, yet fulfilling day of my life....no time to brood, or sulk or get irritated. jus needed immense concentation as the day passed. and though it resulted in a massive headache, my singing class gave me enough relaxation that i was able to actually sit here and write this out....well tomm is another day...lets c what happens

unnamed :)...and renamed MAGICAL on special request:)

There have been times when I have been in awe of Mother Nature, hues of color blending into each other and sounds echoing and all of nature construes to illuminate these colors and attenuate the sounds...as the sun breaks through the clouds, it feels like a miracle, the clouds moving over the full moon, a sheath of shimmering material over silver....I’m overwhelmed by the need to share this......
Nature and love really aren’t very different you see, they both leave you feeling overwhelmed, in awe of what you feel. Times when you feel that, indeed a miracle has been blessed upon you. Where your entire being construes to attenuate the sound of your heart beats n illuminate the look in your eyes...the moments you feel are perfect, when nothing can go wrong, when a glance can be an entire conversation and silence takes on a new meaning.....

suffering from writers block...nothing comes to the mind as i sit and ponder over the days work(nothing has been done as such) the weeks work has been productive and the coming week promises to be hectic...:)

Clouds

Today I was watching the clouds…the blue sky speckled with snatches of clouds, colored golden by the setting sun…suddenly a huge black cloud passed by, slowly and gradually covering them...for a moment or two I was able to see the golden specks here and there and then the cloud laden with drops, covered the sky completely…and soon huge drops fell on the parched earth below…After a while it stopped and the cloud passed on, to shower its drops somewhere else….
Somewhere I feel that life is like those golden specks, beautiful yet vulnerable to those phases which are the clouds, and may cease to be beautiful when the drops fall and change everything, but the cloud passes on n so does the phase…there are times when life gets swayed by the circumstances -which incidentally is the wind- and moves along with the phase, at the same time struggling to maintain status quo. Sometimes that doesn’t happen though and one changes as ones circumstances change.
I feel that this is the purpose of life, where we need to be the lotus among mucky water or the speckled clouds amongst the black one, striving to be what we are innately and under no circumstances letting go of our essence, and these phases may not be necessarily bad, but we may just become a better person as a result!
I’d like to think that I’ve become a better person, but somewhere it dawns on me that I still have a long way to go………..

There are times when even though u are broken hearted, u dare to hope and strive to keep alive the belief u have had all along….and there maybe times when – though superficially everything seems normal- u still wonder what’s going on ? What’s meant to be? A simple touch, a glance, makes u feel that nothing can go wrong, and then your brain reproaches u and jerks u out of your self induced oblivion and u realize that all this while, your heart was fooling u. Yet there maybe a kind of love that may not want u for who u are , because there maybe things greater than love, and somewhere u are coerced into accepting it, but u still dare to hope and believe ………..such is life, such is love……………..

feel.....Contd

I was looking out of the window at 130 in the morning.... it was pouring, the wind blowing and the streets getting a makeover. In the street light, the leaves were gleaming, the rain drops were shimmering , the light reflected the water on the road. And all i could do was admire the scenery outside. It was jus pouring, water everywhere, everything so clean and spanking new,
and the talkative person that i am, for once i am absolutely unable to express what i was feeling. I jus felt ....and it was a mixture of elation, profound sadness, regret, hope, guilt, need and warmth. I walked barefoot, back to my bed and snuggled under the covers, amidst all the thunder, lightning and the pounding rain, slipping away gradually into the world of dreams..........

Feel

There is a certain restlessness in the air, bearing with it windy changes, change of weather, a new beginning, a new lifestyle…there is some apprehension about these bearings……curtains are flying about, hues of orange, green and yellow,somewhere a dog barks, I sit in my chair as I type this and feel….. jus feel the wind on my face, a certain excitement about the upcoming rains, again a change, trudging through flooded roads, getting drenched jeans down, balancing a bag, umbrella and myself…. Another time altogether, reminds me of a time we were at bandstand and carters….it suddenly started pouring cats and dogs, a time we walked in the rain under a big colorful rainbow, umbrella. I love marine drive in the rains at night, everything looks so washed and new, so shiny. All the muck being washed away………………
The leaves rustle, the windows bang, cars honk, the wind chime at the window chimes and I sit cozily in my room, remembering, hoping, wishing and anticipating...................

ECSTACY

it has rained and the mood has lifted, i havent felt so ecstatic since a long time, honest... ask the people who have had to bear with me!! well i got a job finaly which is decent enough for me to be able to save (hopefully) and manage my finances without mom being involved. and it rained!!two of my prayers answered on the same day. there is God....hehehe the weather has cooled down and the smell of the mud.....wow.. i remember the times in Salalah when i would run to the balcony to be able to catch atleast two teeny drops on my palm, i dint know the fun of getting soaked in the rain till i came to Mumbai and oh how so!! it became a tradition, chowpatty and the rain, uptil last year. but i definitely plan on renewing the tradition.
hmmm my job is related so something i love...(atleast one of the things, which entices me tyo write here)- Writing! but i gotta edit and i love it tooo :)
so basically m a semi happy person :) woohoooo
im going somewhere, somewhere i belong:)

Lonely....................

"I want to live like animals.....careless and free...... like animals...... i want to live...... i want to run thru the jungle ......the wind in my hair...... and the sand at my feet. "
I feel like m going thru a midlife crisis, but m just 22......suddenly i dont want to be bound by emotions, attachments, friends, family, people. They say man is a social animal, but frankly m kinda sick of people. I'm sick of the everyday interaction with people, homo sapiens just like me. The daily to n fro of feeling appreciated and yet being looked down upon, of keeping up farces and trying to break thru someone elses farces, of trying to be nice to someone u just cant stand, of being mean to people u really love, just because u had a bad day or are going thru a bad phase, tired of being in a constant state of motion, on the move, doing this and that, wondering how to improve ur lifestyle, to remain healthy, happy, satisfied. It just doesnt seem worth it. Right now i wanna be Tom Hanks of Cast Away where there is noone but a football (chuck i think the name was) and cardboards of the Fed Ex. Somewhere i dont have to worry abt nething except food n shelter and where i can jus be alone with my thoughts, a place at the sea, sand.... so tht im able to run on the sand, in the water, my hair flying behind me, exhilaration creeping in, peace settling in, a kind of effervescent, bubbling energy, free, unattached, unbound and just ME MYSELF the person i am , my thoughts my beliefs. jus wanna be alone...................

Changes.........

How many of us can actually welcome change with open arms? Get out of our comfort zone, a place v feel v belong and then go out into the biting cold or the scorching sun. I have always been a person who never could adjust to change...... but with time- and may i confess a lot of hard core changes- i have realised that rebelling against the everchanging atmosphere in my life, is definitely not gonna help me adjust to it. Changes are like the rain in the monsoon and the heat in summer. If it has to come, it will and u have to bear it. No amount of air conditioner bills and raincoats is gonna prevent it from coming. So go out in the rain and soak away to glory and apply suntan lotion and get an awesome golden brown tan. Make the best of ur changes, because these changes are also temporary and soon other situations will replace them. The scouts n guides have this motto-Be prepared- i never knew what it was all about, but have been able to properly apply it to my life-albeit 22 yrs late- but its never too late.

Kinda reminds me of a chapter on Organisation in my Industrial Psychology paper. Something about episodic and continuous change. So life is an episodic change, you dont really wanna change, but due to circumstances u have to and by the time u DO change, another circumstance dictates another change and its a chain reaction, a vicious circle which goes on and on:) so the solution is that, instead of tiring urself by a constant step taking of worrying, rebelling, changing and then adjusting and then going at it again, just indulge in continuous change and that reiterates my theory of Be Prepared :)

my books

Off late I have been trying to catch up on my reading. I read all kinds of stuff, from mushy romances to thrilling adventures and mysteries.
My childhood passed in a love affair with Enid Blyton stories. From toys waking up at night in a playroom, to how Darrel Rivers settles down in Malory Towers, the adventures of Moonface, Silky and the kids, The wishing chair adevntures, i have learnt so much…about friendship, respect, caring, commitment, loyalty, sensitivity…

The Famous Fives, the Five Find Outers and Mr. Goon, their adventures…Oh jus thinking about them makes me want to read them all over again…Nostalgia sets in…
Reading takes me into a completely different world. I almost become the character it self and once that happens I am lost. I just cant keep the book down.
I love Harry Potter too. The way J.K Rowling, creates magic (pun intended!) around the reader is absolutely amazing. The movies can’t match up…sadly!
Another favorite is Agatha Christie. Of all the books I have read, I don’t think I have ever been able to figure out the culprit or the way the crime was committed…its strange but she’s brilliant….may it be Monsieur Poirot or Miss Maple…..
My recent favorites are The Notebook, Nicholas Sparks. Never thought a man could write such heart breaking novels. I have laughed and cried with those characters. The sensitivity, the reality, the love…all of it has been conveyed so beautifully, it makes one read them again and again.
Another one being Doctors by Erich Seagal…the way the lives of Barney and Linda are intertwined, through childhood, college at Harvard Med School, their friends and family. I must have read the book just twice but the impact was made.
I’m not too fond of Indian literature, but there is this one Afghan guy, Khalid Hosseini who writes beautiful stories. The Kite Runner, A Thousand Splendid Sons…m waiting for his next.
I go into a completely different world where I can see things in my mind, my imagination. Hehe I’m a hopeless romantic… in both ways day dreamy as well...What to do. And books just add on to the romantic side of me.

Poetry

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black

Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood,
and I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

Hardly a lover of poems, I am able to connect to this one. Oh, surely there maybe much more meaning to it, but I love it and my interpretation because I feel it gives so much meaning to ones life. It’s about how we make choices. Okay here goes my interpretation:
Suddenly I am faced with two completely contrasting choices and though I want to bake my cake and eat it too, I know well enough that ill have to make only one choice (I prefer eating! :) ). One person faced with two choices, is not easy. I check one choice out as much as I can and see that it has been made many a time and I want to do something that no-one else has done before. I soon realize that I finally have to decide. But I know that once I go my way and make my choice, there will be no looking back and as I make one choice, I will go on to another and another and I may never be faced again with the same two choices, nor will I be able to come back to this point in my life, because the yellow wood is my life and there will be many more paths n choices to make.. And somewhere ages later I will probably say(maybe to my grandchildren) that the choice I made -which is something that most people wouldn’t make- made all the difference…Hmmm hardly a rave review, I feel I haven’t put my best into the review but somewhere I can connect to this poem. Its all about life and choices. And any choice u make, may it be the same as most others or different from them, will be what will lead to your destiny and that will be what makes u different from other people. Which brings me to question of what is destiny, kismet, naseeb? Who writes it? Is it God? Is it us? I believe that yes, God has definitely got a hand in it .But he has made us capable of making our own destiny. The choices we make, the actions we take, our ‘karma’ makes us who we are today. It’s our decision our choice, we go along with it, no matter how many obstacles, we may also be faced with many more on the way, yet no one else is to blame if something goes wrong tomorrow. But at the same time we must also be able to discriminate between right and wrong and make the right choice. Go with your gut feeling. I believe intuition is a God send. It’s that entity which makes u know and decide what to do or which direction to go. Go with your intuition and get out there and give in ur best and the rest will fall in place automatically :)

Four friends, one coffee shop. Its been a long time since we met up and shared our views and thoughts, relationships, the future, a career. What do we do? Where do we go? Its been a long time and none of us has really considered the future. Oh i knw that i want to be a clinical psychologist and my other friends have their goals, but how to go about it? We've just finished our final university exam and need to pursue a masters degree, but i want to support myself from this point onwards. I dont want mom to keep supporting me financially, so now m in search of a job.
Its funny how, at one moment, ur a kid and then overnight ur forced, literally jerked out of ur complacent state and made to be mature because alls not well in the world...well definitely in your world. When dad died, i was giving my final exams, not really innocent, but very unaware of the kind of responsibilities i would have to take. And now i see myself, mature (atleast i think so), responsible , wanting to stand on my own feet, support my self and education, trying to achieve a goal i have set myself. Yet at times, somehwere i wonder where the old 'me' went. But i kinda like this new me. Hehehe i sound so confused na, even to myself. But somewhere i m not, suddenly im seeing life in a new perspective. i have a stronger sense of who i am and what i want in life. i can be more assertive and pursue my goals. So i dont think ive turned out that bad.
A few of my childhood memories come back to me.
My mom used to talk to me. i remember those times, when i used to sit on the spotless kitchen floor and listen to her talk. About life, things.. experiences ....the kind of people there are in the world. And in that secluded, protective environment i dint deem such things as highly important. but then i came down to india and started experiencing similar things, meeting similar people and somewhere the behaviours, mental sets that i saw seemed no more new because mom had already exposed them to me and then i found myself doing the same thing......talkin to people about these things, telling them about my experiences after a point of time ....and this time not only because i deemed it important but also because i had started believing in them myself.

i dunno what to write....there is this emptiness inside, this never ending ache, a feeling tht refuses to go, like so much is happening yet something is missing from my life...
i was sitting at marine drive today and just looking at a ship far away on the horizon, so different from everything around it, it seemed ablaze with fire, but i was quite sure that those were just the lights, for a moment, i wanted to be that ship on the horizon, to be ablaze with a fire from inside, not be attached, be free, be alone, with my thoughts, and just be MYSELF... i had a lovely dinner tonight, but again something was missing, when will my incomplete puzzle get its perfect piece, the only piece that can fit in? i guess never, since the piece has been lost...a piece that could make my puzzle oh- so- perfect and one...but my piece had to join another puzzle and i couldnt break up my entire puzzle and join another one, so we are separate and what that piece could bring to my puzzle by joining it, no other has ever come close to giving that much, because it was a perfect fit...
i knw this is incomprehendable, yet it makes perfect sense to me... people say life moves on, but sometimes you may just not want it to move on, but want it to move back and probably change things, circumstances, mind sets, but not those moments, not those times tht are close to your heart, not those that are special, no matter how much they hurt you, because probably those thoughts, moments, memores are what u are today, one by one, each thought has been enmeshed and entangled together such that it has made a different being out of you...

A Dedication...Journey of Memories.

An internet chat….a friendship...long conversations facing sun n sea…knowing each other…understanding each other…a walk from linking to carter…a walk on marine drive…a chemistry…long conversations over coffee…attraction…a look in your eyes…a flutter somewhere in me…a confession…silence…a confession…a bridge…a movie…moonlight…rainy evenings…longings for love…walks at sea…knowing each other…a commitment…blossoming love…romantic dinners…long walks…hazy sunsets…sitting on rocks…movie theatres…old buildings…an empty house…a hill station…a bike ride…a glass painting…an anniversary…a perfume bottle…a loss…a quilt…an album…quiet lunches…arguments…making up…shopping sprees…bubbling laughter…long glances…conversations in each others arms…laughing through tears…holding hands and watching sunsets…trips…passion…an aquarium…shopping for fish…beaches…dreams…Royal Enfield…Amore…Silver Beach…Urban Tadka…friends…exploring…bliss…telepathy…love…hope…religion…dreams…
yellow and white tiles…rust walls…a love seat…wooden bed…a skylight…burst bubbles…a path…tears…rocks and stones…bare feet…open arms…a vision…a smile…hope…love…religion…a compromise…hope again…a decision…anger...injustice…communication…calm…feelings…emotions…tears…moments reminisced…a decision…loss…broken hearts…tears…a promise…souls meeting…a commitment…friendship…hope…eternity………………………..and the journey goes on.

its amazing how jus a few minutes with a person can create a bond however small it maybe.. just today i was travelling in this really crowded train..and i mean crowded there was no place to stand, leave alone sit. hehehe well i was standing somewhere in between and there was this lady sitting on the seat with her 1 year old daughter in her lap...n the little kid was kicking me away to glory, and i didnt mind in the least bit since i knew the mother couldnt help it. there was no place for God's sake. slowly i started makin friens with her, tickling her, teasing her and it was so cool! i mean this lil kid with a mop of curls was having a blast with all the 'aunties' around her, one gave her a sweet, one made her sit on her lap to look outta the window, i was playing with her (unfortunately i was also titled 'auntie') she was really getting all the attention amidst the crowded train.what fun!!!
on another note, today i was working in the clinic and came upon this story written by one of the patients and it was brilliant!i instantly became a fan and to think that he was just 17, the way he played with the words was amazing. i was jus carried away by the story.....

brokenhearted

ever stood under the shower and let the water drown away your tears? ever woken up heavy hearted and wished that it was all just a dream but pinched urself and realised that shit its reality? ever wished a bad news that someone told u was just a joke and till reality struck u like lightning, continued wishing that??
hmmm i did today...got this really bad news and all this is wht i felt and did..though i think ill wake up tomorrow and thn realise its not a dream.
so what is all this emotional attachment all about?
i dunno im the one attached so hw can i give u an objective view? figure it out for urself...
aaaahhhhh mumbai is killing me with wht its known for best, its traffic (chocablock i must say!!) and its heat, if i stay in mumbai m gonna surely die of a sunstroke, and imagine if u get the perfect combination of the two!!!!voila! u die in the traffic hehehe k m crz..remember the bad news ???

just a thought!!

jus a few minutes ago i realised that my writers block jus flew right out the window, fellt like writing again!hehehe....
mumbai..ive fallen in love with this place ever since ive come here, the place, its people, my wonderful friends, people who i can trust with my life, a crazy bunch honestly...
mumbai has given me so much and its just been five years! ive definitely learnt more about people here than in my three year psychology course. Live in a hostel and u understand how the human mind functions, Freud u forgot to check out the hostels in ur days...
hmmm why the freud fixation ? well because i jus got done with my abnormal psych paper and it psyched me out completely...okay my thoughts move faster than my fingers so ill stop taking a tangent which incidentally i never caught the concept of in school...
ive realised, pardon my cynical tone, but ive realised that u live with people and u live one month, 6 months a year, two years, soon you get tired of the farce ur putting up and voila! the original you emerges, something like dancing with ur enemy at a masquerade party.
but at the same time u know who ur true friends are, lucky if u get one! "dont be so fixated on friends" my mom would reiterate. what are friends for? a safe haven ? a shoulder to cry on? dunno, but definitely a break from the stressful life one leads nowadays, especially for me.
have u ever wanted to just run away far away leaving everyone behind and find a special little corner of your own where you could just be yourself? no responsibilities, no worries, childlike, carefree and just YOU. i do.. and i feel like doing it right now. nope m not trying to escape from reality, its more like wanting to take a vacation from reality...hmmm wonder how it would be to be psychotic? hmmm just a thought definitely not a wish! id rather be in greece or lets get closer to home, probably mahabaleshwar;)
well i dont wanna pull an all nighter something i almost did last night and paid heavily for today..and to think that m dead broke!
ciao and ill be back:)

today

hmm.. i feel like this 5 yr old with a new toy which he shows off to everyone!! well i tried not to tell the people on the train abt it..ohh..the excitement will wane and there will be a day when m gonna have to find things to say..but m enjoying it while it lasts..have a little soul searching to do...
was walkin along my hostel lane and could vividly remember the first time i ever walked that very lane..its beautiful u oughta see it.. ofcourse its one of mumbais lanes, but its got this olde days charm to it, yellow flowers spread on either side.. a road less travelled comes to my mind
oh incidentally are u suffering from a lack of scraps on orkut?? jus put in a display name like mine..ofcourse i had the pox, but i was flooded overnight with scraps:) honest..
jus had a long day at the clinic...its been ages!!feels so good being back...its been fun there.. learnt so much...hmmm things like this are so therapeutic....something like doin something you love, being with someone you love, talking your heart out(catharsis as freud put it) oh def. cleaning out your house,(you could also tk your frustration out by washing clothes by hand;) its fun!) but eating chocolates takes the cake! ooh u cn jus feel the endorphins released and it feels so good.. a spoonful of nutella will do the job:)
had a long day today and nw suffering from writers block, so will be back soon :)

my entree into the blog world!!

hmmm.. it wasnt tht easy, since m a blog virgin and well not too technosavvy..no inclination u see...i created a blog wth another email id while i already had one n thn had to change my URL again :( gawd, technology!!*sigh.....
was jus reading a friends blog n felt like creating one for myself..its fun thinking n writing ur thoughts....dunno who'l read them but.ill def be there :)
its 130 am and m jus done with exams n the pox..uuggghhh it was jus gettin to me and finally the doc declared me noninfectious, felt like i was reborn.. had a bath after ten days..dont worry dint go near anyone!!!
so nw blogging away to glory while my unaware mom is sleeping soundly in the next room....
and i think ill hit the sack nw too...have a long way to go tomm.. but will def. keep blogging :) kudos n good night